are you still at the devil's house?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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