i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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