So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
