their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
