i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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