4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
