Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You took a bar mat shot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
