Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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