It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
