you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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