Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
so much tequila, so little girl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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