This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
