someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
