I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so let's talk penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
