So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
