is your mom at the bar?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
