i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
