Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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