It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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