You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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