Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
