It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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