So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize