all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
