Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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