I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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