Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Green mimosas i think yes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
