Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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