she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
