some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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