yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize