i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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