U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
