We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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