You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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