I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
