So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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