my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
