"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
