I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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