I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
