My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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