i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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