Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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