Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize