Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
God I need to hump something, right now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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