I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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