Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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