you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
