I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
