hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
