two words: eviction party
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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