So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish my penis had an off switch
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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