Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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