can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
