my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
