Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
