I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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