You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
