Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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