we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
