Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
