I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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