it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
