The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
