Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
