6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
