Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How's work?
Spinning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
