when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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