Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
