Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
